169 - Perfection Through Silence
گلاب به روي تك تك تون!
اما
گنده گوزي هم نزد ايرانيان است و بس!
***
زير بارون, كنار خيابون, يه «درامر» پيدا كردم
آه!! ببخشيد! منظورم «جاز زن» بود!
پ.ن. : در ديكشنري معادلي براي «گنده گوزي» نيست
Telling Rousers
Is In Iranian as Well
***
I Found A Drummer In The Streets
Under Pouring Rain
2
دوشنبه 30 آبان1384ساعت 22:37
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168 - Modern Music Is Rubbish
بنده خدا گزارشگر انگليسي شبكهء Euro Sport
قرآن جيبي كوچكي كه دور سر رضازاده مي گرداندند
را كارت اعتباري تصور كرد!
***
قراره Eminem با Pussy Cat Dolls
يه آهنگ بخونن
مضمونش هم بشه:
"Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend HAD AN ASS LIKE THAT"
Mtv هم قراره طبق معمول
چند تا از جايزه هاي Grammy سال آينده رو واسه اين افتضاح نگه داره و اختصاص بده
منبع: نويسندهء وبلاگ
The British Commentator OF The "Euro Sport" Channel
Makes A funny Mistake By miscalling That Small Quran
That They hold Above "Reza Zadeh"'s Head, A Credit Card
***
"Eminem" And "Pussy Cat Dolls" Are About To
Sing a song Together
And the Purporst will be:
"Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend had An Ass Like That"
And Mtv is about to Put A Couple Of Next Year's Grammy Awards Aside
For This Crap As Usual
Fountainhead: Authors Mind
2
یکشنبه 29 آبان1384ساعت 18:49
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167 - The Art Of Losing
برگي از دفترچه خاطرات يكي از «بچه» هاي اين دوره و زمونه:
از يه دره به پايين پرت ميشم
هنوز دارم صداي مامان كه داره داد ميكشه
نـــــــــــه! رو مي شنوم
اهميتي نداره چون
از اين بالا منظرهء زير پاهام خيلي قشنگه!
A Diary Of One Of The Kids Of Our Generation:
I'm Falling From A Cliff
I Can Still Hear Mommy's Yelling:
No...!!!
I Dont Mind Cause
The Scenary Down Here is so Beautiful!
2
شنبه 28 آبان1384ساعت 18:39
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166 - Course Of Nature For Sleeping Beauties
در مغزت بعد ناشناخته اي از افكار و رفتار وجود دارد
كه تنها با حضور من در زندگيت آن را خواهي شناخت
بيا به سمت من
يا به قولي: دست به دوك بزن!
بهت ميگم دست به دوك بزن!
There is An Undiscovered dimension Of Thoughts And Attitudes
That Will Show itself Only If I'd be included in Your Life
So Come To Me
Or As It's Said: Touch The Spindle!
I'm Telling you, touch the Spindle!
2
شنبه 28 آبان1384ساعت 0:31
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165 - Breathing in Depths Of His Ooze
عجايب خلقتي ديدم در اين دشت
گلايه مند ز بي غيرت, پي همخوابه مي گشت
«خلستان پارسي»
I saw a Strange Creature on This Land
Complaining About People's lack of jealousy, Looking For Sluts
2
پنجشنبه 26 آبان1384ساعت 17:6
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164 - Put Me Aside
بعضي انسانها به دنيا مي آيند
تنها براي اينكه تو را برتر از خود ببينند
نه بيشتر
و تو هنوز آن آدم خيال پرستي هستي كه
دوست داري همه رو به يك چشم ببيني
نه بيشتر
من هم همون غريبه اي هستم كه شبها
تنها در كوچه هاي پردرخت شهر پرسه ميزنم
نه بيشتر
Some people are born
To See You at the Higher Level Than They Are
Nothing More
And You Are still that Dreamer
who'd Like to See Everyone at your level
Nothing More
And I'm That Stranger Who
Roams All The Malls at nights All Alone
Nothing More
2
چهارشنبه 25 آبان1384ساعت 12:53
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163 - You're Gonna die For Your Government
يه روز به صفتون مي كنم
و چنان خبرداري بهتون بدم كه
از ترس رعشه اي به پاهاتون بيوفته
كه هيچ كدام روي پاهاتون نتونيد بايستيد
آنوقت ازتون مي پرسم: اصلا خودتون مي دونيد
اين «پ.ن.» مسخره كه آخر نوشته هاتون مي نويسيد
چي هست؟
و شما هم با تته پته جواب ميدهيد:
«پ.ن.» نوشته ايست كه پاي نوشته هايمان مينويسيم!
و آنگاه من شما را يكي يكي به تپه هاي جولان تبعيد مي كنم
با اولين پرواز
Is there Anyone Out There
Who Can help Me Translate this Complicated Note?
I need Some Army and Grammar Expressions
2
سه شنبه 24 آبان1384ساعت 0:15
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162 - Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine
منو بغل مي كرد
تو خواب
------------
منو مي بوسيد
تو خواب
------------
اگه دستم بهش برسه مي خوام بزنم تو سرش
تــــــو خــــــواب!!!
She Used To Hug Me
In Dreams
She Used To Kiss Me
In Dreams
I Wanna Kick Her Ass If I Get Any Chance
You Will!! In Dreams
2
دوشنبه 23 آبان1384ساعت 14:17
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161 - All About Us
نمي تونم باور كنم
هيچ چيز خاصي نيستي
بايد يه نگاه به خودت, درونت و تواناييهات بياندازي
***
حاضر نيست خودشو معرفي كنه
شايد ميدونه چه درون هولناكي داره
I Can't believe
That You're Nothing Special
You've Got to Look At All Of Your Options
***
He Doesnt Want To Introduce Himself
Maybe He Knows How Horrible He Is
2
یکشنبه 22 آبان1384ساعت 18:24
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160 - Socks Sucks Sux
به حالتي احمقانه به بوتهاي مشكي هارلي من چشم دوخته
و شايد توي ذهنش داره قيمتشو تخمين ميزنه
خبر نداره جوراب هايي كه توي اون بوت هاست
لنگه به لنگه است!
***
حقيقت بعضي چيزها و بعضي افراد واقعا مسخره است
درست مثل جوراب هايي كه پوشيده ام
He's Staring At My Big Black Harley Davidson Boots like Someone Stupid
Maybe He's Guessing Their Price In His Mind
He has No Idea That The Socks In Those boots
Dont match Each Other
***
The Truth About Some things And some People Are So Ridiculous
Just Like The Socks I've Worn
2
شنبه 21 آبان1384ساعت 23:34
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159 - Have A Nice day
صبح يه روز خوب رو فرض كن!
آسمون آبيه
نسيم خنكي مي وزه
همه چيز در جنب و جوشه
و تو توي پارك و يا يك خيابون خلوت و پردرخت قدم ميزني
***
لابه لاي شاخهء يكي از همين درختان
گنجشكها سروصداي زيادي راه انداخته اند
سرت رو بالا ميگيري, به آنها نگاه مي كني
و لبخند ميزني
اما ناگهان يك چيز خيس بر صورت تو مي افته
كه چيزي نيست جز «ان» يكي از همون گنجشكها
چشمهاتو مي بندي و دوست داري اين گند رو زودتر تميز كني
ديگه نمي دونم چقدر به زمين و زمان فحش ميدي
اما اين شروع يه روز تازه است!
روز خوش!
Imagine A Nice Morning
The Sky Is Blue
Light Air Is blowing
Everything Is In Motion
And You Are Walking in A Park Or A Reclusive Avenue Which Is Full Of Trees
***
Sparrows Are Making Lots Of Noise
sitting On The Branches Of One Of the Trees
You Look Above Too See Them
IT Makes You Smile
But suddenly Something Wet Hits Your Face From Above
Which is Nothing but A Piece Of Sparrow Shit
You Close Your Eyes And Wish You could Get rid Of this Mess And Clean It up
As Soon As Possible. I cant Imagine how Much You Nag And talk Shit
But This Is The beginning Of A New Day
Have A Nice day!
2
شنبه 21 آبان1384ساعت 0:50
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158 - Fuck Police Brutality
به اين شورشي هاي فرانسه بگيد
حالشو ببريد
چون اگه ايران بوديد تا حالا چندين و چند تا تونو مثل كلاغ پرپر مي كردن
***
دنيا برعكسه!
توي فرانسه به پليس هايي كه شورشي هارو كتك مي زنند
به جاي ترفيع درجه, حكم اخراج مي دهند و جريمه مي كنند!
جاي من حسابي خاليه
بوي قرمه سبزي مياد! ناهار چي داريم؟
Just Tell Those Rioters In France To
Take Advantage And Have Fun!
Cause If You Were In Iran, a Large Number Of U would have been Shot Like Black Crows Till Now
***
Everything Is Unlike
They Penalize The Police Squads Instead Of Giving Them Brevet
For Beating The Rioters
My Place Is So Empty There
2
جمعه 20 آبان1384ساعت 13:27
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157 - Piss It All Away
از من بپرسيد!
من در تمام طول عمر كوپرنيك, شاگرد و دستيارش بودم
***
آدم عجيبي بود
قبول داري خيلي وجود مي خواد تا در زمان سلطهء كليساهاي قرون وسطي
اين جرات رو به خودت بدي
تا برخلاف تعليمات و دستورات ديني
در مورد حركت زمين فرضيهء جديدي ارائه كني
درحالي كه بعد از گذشت چند صد سال از اون زمان هنوز
خيلي از افراد اين جرات رو ندارند كه در مورد بعضي خرافه ها ترديد كنند
Ask Me!
I Was Copernick's Life time Assistant
***
He Was So Special
You Have Got To Be Such A Plucky Man To Give A New Theory About Earth's Movement
Ignoring The Religious Beliefs
In The Dark Age Or
Domination Of The Medieval Times
While There Are Too Many People Out There
That Dont Have The Inner Strenght To Doubt About Ruperstitions
2
پنجشنبه 19 آبان1384ساعت 17:35
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156 - I'm A Wicked Boy
من خیلی خوشحالم که رفتی خارج
چون وقتی که برای سر زدن میای ایران
تنها وقتهایی هستش که
ميشه مزه ات -كه با يه من عسل هم نمي شد خوردش-
رو تحمل كرد
I'm So glad That You Left Here To A foreign Country
Cause The Time You Come BAck For Visiting Us
Is The Only Time that
I Can Bear Your Attitudes
And Your Nags Are less than normal
2
چهارشنبه 18 آبان1384ساعت 13:18
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155 - This Is Serious, You Idiot
دكتره داره تمام علائمش رو ميگه
گوشهء كنترل تلويزيون رو به دندون گرفته ام
ميخ تلويزيونم
مي ترسم...
The Doctor Is Telling All Its Symptoms
I've Grabbed The Tv's Remote Control With My Teeth
Staring At The Tv
...I'm Scared
2
دوشنبه 16 آبان1384ساعت 21:11
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154 - You Are Scum
جداي از بقيهء مسائل,
حك كردن شمارهء اتاق رئيس دانشگاه روي در توالت مون
جو خونهء دانشجويي جديد رو اساسا دانشگاهي مي كنه
Ignoring The Rest OF The Affairs,
Writing The Room Number Of The HEad Of Our University On The Toilets Door
Makes The New House Feel Like Rah Rah
2
دوشنبه 16 آبان1384ساعت 0:9
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153 - Want U 2 B, Bad Bad Bad Bad Baaaaaad
ببين چي كار كردي؟
تمام دستام جاي زخم ناخوناته
صورتمو هم حسابي رژلبي كردي....
***
حالا عيبي نداره, خودتو ناراحت نكن
من هميشه دخترهاي بد و شيطون رو دوست داشته ام!
***
بعدش يه خندهء شيطوني تحويلم ميده!
Look What You've Done!
My Arms Are Full Of The Scars That Your Nails Caused
My Face Is All Coloured With Your Lipstick
***
Oh baby! It Doesnt Matter
I Had always Loved Bad And Naughty Girls!
***
And Then She Gives Me A Naughty Smile!
2
یکشنبه 15 آبان1384ساعت 12:45
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152 - Parabola
روزه داران گرامي حالا بگيد ببينم:
چند خورديد چرب و شيرين از حلوا, آش, شله زرد, زولبيا باميه و...؟
ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ
اگر همه چيز قرار بود سرموقع برگزار بشه,
عجب جمعهء خرتوخري ميشد:
نماز جمعه + نماز عيد فطر + راهپيمايي 13 آبان + داربي بزرگ فوتبال
ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ
حريصانه آدامس مي جوم!
Hey You, Who Fast At Ramadan, Tell Me
How Much Did You Eat All Those Confections, fats and All The Snacks?
ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ
It Would Be Such An Astonishing Complicating Friday
If everything was Supposed To Be Done At Its Time:
Friday Praying + Fetr Praying + 13th Of Aban (Anti-American March) + The Biggest Soccer Derby
ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ
I'm Cheweing My Gum Greedily!
2
شنبه 14 آبان1384ساعت 17:40
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151 - [Exit Music [For A Film
توي تخت نشسته
چشمانش خيره به هلال ماه بود
و روحش در حال پرواز به سمت ماه
***
آهنگ تيتراژ آخر فيلم زندگي من
داشت پخش مي شد
و همهء اونهايي كه فيلممو ديده بودن
با چشمهاي نمناك از صندليهاشون بلند شده
و از سالن سينما خارج مي شدند
تا در خانه هاي گرمشان
يك شب سرد برفي و تاريك ديگه رو سپري كنند
He Sits In His Bed
Staring At The Moon
While His Soul Is Flying To The Moon
***
While The Exit Song Of The Movie
Of My Life Was Playing,
People Were Leaving Their Chairs
With Wet Eyes
And Getting Out Of The Cinema
To Spend Another Cold & Snowy Night
At Their Warm Houses
2
جمعه 13 آبان1384ساعت 23:12
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150 - This Post Is Self Titled
فرا رسيدن عيد فطر را
به تمامي كافران و غير مسلمانان جاي جاي مملكت اسلامي
تبريك و تهنيت عرض مي كنيم.
N. Mc Shoof
-------------------------
من نمي فهمم
چرا اكثر ايرانيهايي كه به عربها بدوبيراه مي گويند باز
خود را مسخرهء بي سروته بودن ماههاي قمري مي كنند؟
ما رو هم درگير اين مسخره بازيهاشون؟
I'd Like To Congratulate
For The Sake Of "Fetr"* To All Those Atheists And Non-Muslim People
Who Live In Such Islamic Country
N. Mc Shoof
* - In This Arabic Month (Ramadan) People Fast
And They Restrict Everyone For Eating Or Smoking In Public!
And The Day "Fetr" Is The Day That "Ramadan" Has Ended And All The Restrictions Are Gone!
-------------------------
I Dont Get It
Why Iranians who Speak Shit About Arabs Make Fun Of themselves
By Including Themselves In Seeing The Moon to Know The Lunations?
And They Include Us In THeir Stupid Things?
2
جمعه 13 آبان1384ساعت 16:21
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149 - Someday I'll Walk away
پشت درياها شهري است
پاسپورتي بايد ساخت...
There Is A Villgae Beyond The Oceans
Gotta Find A Passport*
Part Of A Persian Poem*
The Original is: There Is a village Beyond The Oceans, Gotta Build A Boat
2
چهارشنبه 11 آبان1384ساعت 19:43
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148 - Nothin' Lasts Forever Even Cold November Rain
چند دقيقه اي هست كه ماه نوامبر شروع شده
من از اين روز به بعد به مدت يك ماه
رسما منتظر اولين بارون نوامبر مي شينم
آهنگ November Rain رو امسال هم با پيانو ميزنم
شايد سال ديگه سولوي آهنگشو با گيتار الكتريك زدم
كسي چي ميدونه؟ من كه سعي خودمو مي كنم!
راستي شايد ديوونگي باشه اما سولوشو با تار امتحان كرده ام!
مسلما سخت و تقريبا غير ممكنه!
Its a Couple Of Minutes That we Are In November
So I Officially Will Be Waiting For The First
November's Rain For One Month
I'll Be Playing November Rain Song With Piano Again
But Maybe I'll Be Able To Play The Guitar Solo Next Year!
Who Knows? I'm Doing My Best!
By The Way, It May Sound Crazy But I've Played The Solo With TAR*
IT IS Hard And Kinda Impossible!
* - An Iranian Music Instrument Similar to Guitar
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دوشنبه 9 آبان1384ساعت 23:18
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147 - Bottom Of A Bottle
«سالار مردهاي» اين مرز و بوم كه
از برتر نشان دادن «مردي» هاي احمقانه شان نسبت به زنانگي
زنان اطرافشان لذت مي برند
آيا نمي دانند در غرولند كردن روزانهء حاصل از
«روزه برده مارو»
نوعي «عادت ماهانه» نهفته است؟
The Culture MEntioned In This Post
Is Hard to understand For Foreigners!
I'm Not Gonna Mess With Your Mind With
Some Stupid Cultures Some Of Our Men Have
I Really CAnt Make Myself Translate These Craps!
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دوشنبه 9 آبان1384ساعت 11:32
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146 - Its Driving Me NUCKING FUTS
اگه قرار بود ساعت 5 صبح از خواب بيدار بشي
در حاليكه شبش ساعت 2 بعد از يك
بحث خسته كننده بر سر قيمت نجومي قبض تلفنت
با اعصاب داغون رفتي توي تخت خوابيدي
همون حس گندي بهت دست ميداد كه الان ميخوام بهت بگم
***
از صداي اون آهنگ ملايم مسخره توي آسانسور
و صداي اون زني كه ميگه رسيدي پاركينگ گرفته
تا دير ترمز زدن راننده تاكسي
و اون مرتيكهء خپلي كه از ترس ماليده نشدن!! به اون پيرزن چادري اي
كه مي خواد سوار تاكسي بشه
مياد توي بغلت و تورو با در يكي مي كنه و خيلي مزخرفات ديگه
ايراد ميگيري و غر ميزني تا جايي كه ديگه حتي حوصلهء خودتو هم سر ميبري!
If You Were Supposed To Wake Up At 5 Am
When You Went To Bed At 2 O'clock Am After
A Damn Discussion About Your Telephones Bill
You'd be So Pissed Off that You'd Nag At All The Things Around
That I'm About TO Tell Ya
***
You'd Nag At The Music In The Elevator
and That Woman's Voice That Tell's ya that You've Reached The Parking Floor
And This Would Go To The TAxi Driver's Pushing The Brake Pedals
and Then That Goddamn Fat Ass Man Who Contuses You to the Door
Because Of Not Touching That Ugly Oldwoman's Body!
who Has Just Sat in The taxi
And So Many Other things
To That Extend That You'd Piss Yourself Off Too!
2
یکشنبه 8 آبان1384ساعت 15:7
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145 - Lullaby for Cain
اگه يه شب جمعه
مامان و بابا يه مهموني دعوت بودن
كه حداقل تا ساعت 3 صبح هم قرار نبود پيداشون بشه
تو, توي خونه چه برنامه اي مي ريختي؟
***
امكانش بود كه چراغ مطالعه تو روشن كني
توي تختت دراز بكشي
Sinead O'Connor گوش كني
و كتاب بخوني؟
اونها هم برگردن و بيان در اتاق رو باز كنن و بپرسن
«تو هنوز بيداري؟»
What Would You Do
If One friday Night
Your Parents were Gone to A Party
And They Would Not Get Back Home Until 3 AM
***
Would You Turn On The Lamp
And Lie Down In Your Bed
And Read Books
While You were Listening To Sinead O'Connor?
And When They'd Came, They'd Come To your Door and Ask:
Are You Still Awake?
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جمعه 6 آبان1384ساعت 23:32
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144 - Girl Don't Like Boys, Girls Like Cars And Money
بر همه كس واضح و مبرهن است كه
دختر خانوم ها پسري كه پشت
بی ام و نشسته رو مي پسندند تا
پراید صندوق دار!
Everyone Know The Fact That
Girls Prefer The Guy With The BMW, Let Alone Your Cheap Car!
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پنجشنبه 5 آبان1384ساعت 16:26
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143 - You Ain't The First, You Idiot
- عـــجـــب جـيـگـري!!
+ چي گــــفـــــتـــــــي تــــو؟؟؟
- ببخشيد خانم! منظور من شما نبوديد
بنده دل و جرات اون بابا رو ستودم!
***
حالا ميشه روتونو برگردونيد و
اينجوري نيگام نكنين لطفا؟
شب خوابم نميبره!
Due To The Nature Of All The Persian Expressions used in this Note
And Ofcourse My Lazy Butt at This Moment Of The Night
I Just Say: No Translation Available
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چهارشنبه 4 آبان1384ساعت 1:14
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142 - Sometimes I Think I'm Gonna Drown Cause Everyone Around's So Hollow And Hollow People SUCK
اگر به مذهب باشه
دلم از اون مدل هاش مي خواد
كه توي دبي و كشورهاي عربي مي فروشند
بدون عزا و سوگواري, بدون تعطيلي مغازه ها و خيابون ها
بلكه تلويزيون 2 تا برنامه سرگرم كننده نشون بده اگرچه هميشه اش آشغاله
و...
يا لااقل اين كه دست از پا درازتر از زمين بسكتبال برنگردي
توي چنين روزهايي مردم هم تعطيل مي شن...
***
اين فرهنگ لعنتي حقيقتا ايرانيه, نه عربيه, نه مغول و نه هيچ چيز ديگه...
If It was about an Islamic Religion
I Would rather That Kind Of Religion That
They Sell In DUbai Or All The Arab Countries
A Life Without Mourning, Without Shops Closed
You Could Watch An Entertaining Tv Show [Even IF IT Always Suck]
And..
Or Atleast You Wont Come Back Home Busted From The Basketball Court
In Such Days People Are So F@#$ed Up
***
This Culture Is So F@#$ing Iranian, Nor Arabic, Nor Mongolian And Nor Anything Else
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سه شنبه 3 آبان1384ساعت 11:58
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141 - In Freak Shows, I Put My Head On The 4th Silverchair
اميدوارم شما دلاور مردان و شيرزنان اين مرز و بوم
در واقعيت هم همينقدر HOT باشيد!!
I Hope You, Boys And Girls, Of The Islamic Country
Are As Hot When It Comes To Reality!
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دوشنبه 2 آبان1384ساعت 18:17
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140 - In A Moment Everything Can Change
يك ماه از پاييز گذشته
دخترهاي ورودي جديد چسبهاي دماغهاشونو كنده اند
ابروهاي پسرهاي 84 اي هم در آمده
اما هنوز بنده مفتخر نشدم
استاد گرامي درس «تنظيم خانواده» رو زيارت
و از رهنمودهاشون استفاده كنيم
One Month Has Passed From Automn
Freshgirls Of Our university Take Away the Bandages
They Stick To Their Nose Because Of Beauty Surgery
The Hair OF Freshmen's Eyebrow Has Grown Again!
But I Still Can't Find A Chance
To See How The Faculty Of My Population Adjustment Course Looks Like
And What His Course Is All About
2
یکشنبه 1 آبان1384ساعت 21:59
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